Woman steals sister's spotlight at her graduation party by planning proposal, sister retaliates by 'badmouthing' her the rest of the night

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    "My graduation was a huge deal for me and my family since I am the first in our family to graduate from college. My parents threw a big party for me with all of our relatives and family friends. It was supposed to be a day to celebrate my hard work and achievement."
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    r/AITAH AITA for ruining my sister's proposal because she stole my graduation spotlight?
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    Hi Reddit, I (22F) am a senior in college and just graduated last month. My graduation was a huge deal for me and my family especially since I'm the first in our family to graduate from college. My parents threw a big party for me with all of our relatives and family friends. It was supposed to be a day to celebrate my hard work and achievement.
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    Enter my older sister "Sophie" (28F). Sophie has always been the "golden child." She's pretty, charming and gets along with everyone. While I've been grinding through college Sophie has been hopping from one relationship to another living a carefree life. That's fine her life her choices but she tends to hog the spotlight in every family gathering.
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    At my graduation party Sophie brought her boyfriend "Ethan" (30M) whom she's been dating for about a year. I was happy to see them, but Sophie was acting unusually excited and giddy all day. I didn't think much of it until during the toast Ethan suddenly got down on one knee and proposed to Sophie in the middle of my graduation party.
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    Everyone started clapping and cheering for them and just like that the entire focus shifted away from me and onto their engagement. I was completely blindsided and hurt.
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    I stayed quiet for the rest of the party but when it was over I pulled Sophie aside and told her that what she did was selfish and disrespectful. She argued that it wasn't a big deal because the party was "just a family thing" and everyone would forget about it anyway. I told her she could've picked literally any other day to get engaged but she just rolled her eyes and called me dramatic.
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    I couldn't let it go so I vented to some of our family members and close friends about what happened. To my surprise most of them sided with Sophie saying I should 'let it go' because 'it's her moment now' and that I was being bitter and selfish for not just being happy for her. A few understood where I was coming from but the overwhelming response was that I was overreacting and making the engagement about myself which hurt even more.
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    Now Sophie is mad at me for "badmouthing" her and says I'm trying to ruin her engagement. My parents are torn because they don't understand why I'm upset but also don't want to take sides. So Reddit AITA for calling out my sister for stealing my graduation spotlight with her surprise proposal? ه 2,483 553 D
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    NTA caraperdida You don't propose at someone else's event (birthday, wedding, graduation, baby shower) unless the guest of honor has explicitly told you they're okay with it. Also, if she was acting strange before the proposal, that makes me think it wasn't Ethan surprising her and it was her idea.
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    NTA. MizPeachy Keen OP has every right to be upset with Sophie and everyone siding with her! My stars! She's the first person in the FAMILY to graduate from college! That's a stellar achievement & she deserves ALL the spotlight.
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    OP owes no apologies. Asking her to get over it, be the bigger person only excuses the disrespectful behavior of Sophie. Sophie set the whole thing up. Golden child. Main character syndrome. She lives for moments like this to steal someone else's spotlight & doesn't care if anyone is hurt in the process. Karma sees all and payback is coming.
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    Moondiscbeam And it makes them look so cheap! I remember this other post where OP called out the girl, in a general manner, of how it is tacky to propose at someone's dime and hope that the wedding will be less tacky than that.
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    NTA. iDontGetCute92 How your friends/family are siding with Sophie is bewildering to me. It was your graduation party! Not a joint graduation party/proposal, there was no need for them to hijack your party.
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    One_Ad_704 And what really bothers me is that this was a party to celebrate four years of work by OP (or maybe more!) and it was usurped by someone asking a question and getting a Yes. Sure, getting engaged is exciting but it takes almost nothing in terms of "work". Yet a college degree takes YEARS of work and it is pushed aside as if it is nothing...
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    Years ago there was a post very similar to this: a woman completed her PhD and had a party for it and the son of a friend proposed to his girlfriend at the party and all focus moved to them. She completed a freaking PHD and someone she barely knew thought it was a good idea to propose! I was actually more ped off at her friends who cheered them on as they should've been more like "why would you propose at Mary's PhD party?".
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    caraperdida That really breaks my heart, because just finishing college is enough for you to deserve one party that's about you and not someone else getting engaged but finishing a PhD? That is so much more.
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    I don't mean in terms of prestige, I mean in terms of the work involved. Especially since the last few months are the most stressful since that's when you're writing the dissertation. Then the final day is the most, most stressful because you have to do your defense. If you haven't been there you don't know the stress.
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    I admit, I went a little loopy while writing mine. Which is why, when my friend from grad school texted me a picture of her dog's diarrhea, I didn't say a thing because I knew she was in the middle of writing hers, so I knew that, like many of us, she was just getting weird because of that! I just sent her an encouraging text the morning of her defense.
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    Proposing at a college (or high school!) graduation is PhD completion? _, but proposing at a party for The person you're proposing to better be the newly minted "Dr." otherwise that's just evil!
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    Inner-Try-1302 Actually I get this. I'm a first generation college graduate and my family has no clue how HARD college is because none of them ever went. They ruined my graduation celebration and didn't give me anything, just a pat on the back. I'm still bitter about it 13 years later. They just don't get it. They can't get it because they don't understand.
  • 22
    TarzanKitty You didn't ruin her proposal. What you need to do is announce your pregnancy in the middle of her wedding reception.
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    Zestyclose-Common578 Have you talked to Ethan to see why he chose that time to propose? Was he pressured by your sister or did he honestly think that was an appropriate time. I think your sister is partly to blame but Ethan is the one that got on one knee, I would also hold him accountable.
  • 24
    Safe_Perspective9633 NTA, you didn't make her proposal about you, she made your graduation about her. That was a move. Please show your parents this. They raised a narcissist in your sister. That is NOT going to get any better.

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